


muted

by mewtophia



Series: destabilized [1]
Category: Fire Emblem: Fuukasetsugetsu | Fire Emblem: Three Houses
Genre: ? - Freeform, Angst with a Happy Ending, Anxiety Disorder, Claude von Riegan Needs a Hug, Claude’s a selective mute hope you don’t mind, Dimitri Alexandre Blaiddyd Needs a Hug, M/M, Medical Inaccuracies, Mentioned Edelgard von Hresvelg, Mentioned Sylvain Jose Gautier, POV Dimitri Alexandre Blaiddyd, Selective Mute Claude von Riegan, heh, i think, no beta we die like Glenn, not sure about that
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2020-11-23
Updated: 2020-11-23
Packaged: 2021-03-09 23:01:50
Rating: General Audiences
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings
Chapters: 1
Words: 3,003
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/27683948
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/mewtophia/pseuds/mewtophia
Summary: Short, brown skin, dark hair, green eyes, yellow hoodie. He’s seen him before, but he never took the opportunity to talk to him.Oh.He’s silent, both of them are. Dimitri’s the one to break it.[Inspired by another fic, Dimitri’s trying to recover, he finds a selective mute Claude.]
Relationships: Dimitri Alexandre Blaiddyd/Claude von Riegan
Series: destabilized [1]
Series URL: https://archiveofourown.org/series/2024528
Comments: 3
Kudos: 46





	muted

**Author's Note:**

  * Inspired by [a heavy heart to carry](https://archiveofourown.org/works/22037701) by [unraelated](https://archiveofourown.org/users/unraelated/pseuds/unraelated). 



> I’m sorry if I haven’t written in so long. Also, this fic gave me such inspiration, I’m sorry author if you’re reading this. If it ends up being too similar, I’ll delete this right away lol, just say the word.
> 
> PS: I’m not a professional, nor have I experienced these things myself. Was very anxious to write the therapy scenes and the way to go about with selective mutism. I’m sorry if I offended anyone.

**May 1**

_ Breathe in. _

_ Breathe out. _

_ Breathe in. _

_ Breathe out. _

“Are you okay now?” The woman in front of Dimitri asks calmly. Dimitri breathes in one last time before letting out a relieved exhale. “I… yes, I am. Thank you.” She nods as she looks at him with a smile, Dimitri smiles back, only to look back down on his twiddling fingers that are placed on top of his lap. The woman moves as she writes down her notes, looking at Dimitri with a sense of wanting to comfort.

“Now, tell me… how are you feeling right now? Anything new that happened?” She asks.

Dimitri looks at the random corner at the room, then back at her. He lets out a shaky exhale, and speaks.

“I’ve… been feeling a lot. I don’t know how to… describe it. I… loathe the fact that I managed to live. If only my father were to be alive… and Glenn, and…”

**May 8**

To say that therapy is as breezy as the wind would be a lie to Dimitri.

He has yet to fully trust his therapist, really. No matter how qualified they are, he still feels uneasy. Though, he supposed it’s for the best, he’ll allow himself to take the step.

(He’d honestly have to thank El, she was the one who pushed him to do this, anyways.)

Exiting the room, he looks at his surroundings, thinking to himself about what his therapist told him.

_ Your past doesn’t define who you are. _

_ It’s okay to feel guilty, you don’t have to feel guilty, acknowledge it wasn’t and never was your fault. _

_ It’s okay to not be okay. _

_ Don’t let your insecurities and guilt stop you from— _

“Ah.” He quietly says to himself, feeling a small push from his side. He looks to his left and sees a boy.

Short, brown skin, dark hair, green eyes, yellow hoodie. He’s seen him before, but he never took the opportunity to talk to him.

Oh.

He’s silent, both of them are. Dimitri’s the one to break it.

“A-Ah… I’m sorry, I didn’t mean…” He fumbles with his words, not knowing what to say. He doesn’t know how to talk to this person, he doesn’t even know him. The shorter nods to him, making out some symbols with his hands, only to bow and walk away.

_ Sign language.  _ Dimitri notices. He doesn’t know much, but he’s surprised that he can somehow make out what he just said.

**_I’m sorry._ **

**May 15**

“I felt like I messed up somehow.”

“Oh? Do you want to talk about it?”

He still doesn’t look at her in the eye, not yet. He’s still trying to make himself comfortable, but he fails to do so. Dimitri’s hesitant, looking at her with an unsure expression. They stay silent.

Dimitri lets himself think, he knows he has to do this. He lets himself collect thoughts, thinking about what I want to say.

_ I wish I never spoke a word. _

_ He looked so unsure like how I am right now. _

_ I’ve made a terrible mistake. _

_ He hates me, even if we haven’t spoken to each other before that. Not even a noise. _

_ I hate that… that… _

_ What does he hate? _

“I…” he lets himself speak, his therapist getting into a position where they can understand clearly, “I met… a boy. Last week.” She smiles. “That’s new… how was it?” How was it?  _ How was it? _

_ Nerve wrecking.  _ “Nerve wrecking.”  _ Ah, he said it out loud. _ “How so?” She asks, her voice as calm as ever. He inhales, calming himself down, collecting his thoughts more. “I… he… we bumped into each other. By accident. We… both said sorry, well, more of… I said sorry. He signed it.”

She nods as she takes down notes, a smile on her face. “Did you feel anything good? Or bad?” Her questions are simple, yet he can’t seem to find answers the moment they’re asked, always having to collect his thoughts first. “It… was odd at first. I’ve not spoken to him. Before that… situation. I felt terrible, when he said he was sorry. I… I felt like I was at fault. He didn’t have to say sorry.”

_ Yet he did anyway. _

She removes her glasses, placing them on her table and smiles. “Well… you said it was an accident, correct?” He nods. “No need to feel guilty… we all make mistakes,” she says, looking at him with such softness, “I think… you should try talking to him. Go out for a walk, or anything.”

_ Talk? _

He’ll try.

**July 3**

He finds himself in front of him a month later. They both got out. It was coincidental, at the same time it felt like it wasn’t.

“Hello…” he says, awkwardly, so awkward that it’s painful. The shorter smiles, waving instead of talking back. “I… uhm… I-I apologize, I suppose… you didn’t expect to talk to someone, huh?”

_ Stupid.  _ He felt stupid. Of course he didn’t.

And he shook his head, confirming his thoughts. Great.

“I… I never… got your name, did I? I’m… Dimitri. Dimitri Alexandre Blaiddyd. Pleasure to meet you.” He introduces himself, a small smile creeping onto his lips. He waits patiently as the boy in front of him reaches for his satchel, grabbing a pen and notebook. He didn’t expect it, really.

_ Of course you didn’t. _

**_I’m Claude. Nice to meet you._ ** He wrote. Dimitri lights up upon realization that this isn’t a dream, it is in fact, really happening.

(He thinks Claude feels like he’s watching a high school girl meeting her crush, but that’s besides the point.)

“Nice to meet you… Claude. I… do you want to go to the cafe nearby?”

Claude looks at his notebook, trying to find words. He writes, the look on his face unsure.

**_Sorry, but I’m busy. Maybe next time?_ **

**July 10**

“Now I really feel like I messed up…”

“Oh? What happened?”

“I…”

_ I drove him away. _

_ He’ll never be my friend now. _

_ I mess up everything. _

_ I shouldn’t be around anyone. _

_ I only do more harm than good. _

_ I— _

“Are you okay?”

He doesn’t notice that he’s been staring at her for a while now, her voice making him flinch a little, surprising him. “I…”  _ no.  _ “No. I’m… not. I feel like… I screwed up everything. Ruined a potential friendship that wasn’t given time to blossom. I don’t—“ he stops, he doesn’t know what else to feel. He just feels guilty. She nods, and lets him and herself relax. “What did he say?”

“Ah, uhm… he… he said…”

Next time.

_ Next time. He said next time. _

“He said… he’s busy, though… he said maybe. Next time.” It still makes him want to crawl into a cave and never come out. He didn’t  _ just  _ say next time. He said  _ maybe  _ next time. It meant he might not be free. Which means he hates him. Which means Dimitri is a—

“I think,” his therapist says, interrupting his train of thought, “that you’re overthinking it.” She says, looking at him again. “He said next time, right?” He nods, slowly. She smiles. “Have faith in yourself, maybe he’ll come around.”

**July 24**

He does.

Just as Dimitri exited the room, tired from his session, he feels a small tap on his shoulder. He turns around to see Claude, and… oh.

He cried.

“Are… are you okay…?”

_ Stupid. Of course he isn’t. _

Claude nods, he knows it’s a lie, but he doesn’t push him. He watches as Claude shakily grabs his notebook, sneaking glances at Dimitri. He doesn’t know what to do, he stays still as Claude tries to stop himself from shaking, not wanting to make the writing on his notebook messy.

**_You mentioned going to a cafe, right? I’m free. Want to go?_ **

**@#@#**

They sit down at one of the tables near the window, getting a clear view of the outside, the warmth of the inside of the cafe contrasting the sheer cold of the July winter. They take their seats, looking at the menu in front of them, and Dimitri takes notice at Claude’s shivering from the cold, despite the warmth they’re engulfed in. He still doesn’t make a move, anxious of the consequences.

“Is… is there anything you want?” He asks, the anxiousness within his voice. He doesn’t want to mess this up. Claude pouts, something he finds… oddly cute- no, he refuses to think of him that way, not when he had just met him. His thoughts are interrupted when Claude shows him the menu, pointing at something from the bakery section.

_ Sticky Cinnamon Bun _ , he reads. He simply nods, giving Claude a warm smile, and he receives a small, unguarded smile in return. The waitress comes to get their order, and she leaves as quickly as she came, leaving them both in complete silence, with only the bustling of the cafe to be heard.

**_Do you do anything for a living?_ ** Claude asked, handing the notebook to Dimitri. He makes a small sound as he lets himself think, collecting his thoughts. “I… I teach. High schoolers. I recently started. It’s… difficult, but I manage.” Claude seemed to be satisfied by that answer, nodding and getting his notebook back. “Uhm… h-how… how about you?” He asks, Claude purses his lips as he lets himself tap his pencil on his notebook. Dimitri listens to the sound of the pencil writing on paper, letting Claude take his time on writing as he writes and erases.

Claude, finished with his answer, hands over the notebook to Dimitri.  **_I’m a student. Masters in Chemistry, working on my thesis. Sorry if it wasn’t what you were expecting, nothing special._ ** He reads, somehow it feels… odd. “No, I… it’s okay. You’re really interesting.” He says, Claude looks at him for a moment, then gives him what seems to be a forced and dishonest smile. He uses sign language again, saying the same thing he said when they bumped into each other.

**_I’m sorry._ **

‘N-No, it’s… okay. You have nothing to be sorry for.” He smiles at Claude, who’s still trying to process what Dimitri said. As he does, he takes notice of the notebook’s page. There are many erasures, some words he’s able to make out like “weird”, or “stupid”, and some words he can’t make out at all. Again, his train of thought is interrupted by the clanking of the plate where the cinnamon bun is on and his coffee. He carefully grabs his coffee cup, letting it warm up his hands. Looking up, he sees Claude’s delighted expression, taking a bite out of the cinnamon goodness, savoring it. “I…” he lets himself speak, grabbing Claude’s attention.

_ Don’t mess up. _

“I’m… enjoying this so far. You’re very… calming to be with. We should do this again. Next week, I mean.”

Claude smiles, he grabs his notebook to write something, hesitant at first, but writes nonetheless.

**_Thank you. I feel the same, even if it’s only been an hour or so._ **

_ It’s been an hour? _

**_I failed to mention this, but it’s my birthday. I didn’t have any plans today, so, thank you. Really._ **

_ Ah. _

“Hah… I’m… glad. So, today is your…”

Claude quickly writes back.  **_19th._ **

_ 19th? _

“A-Aha… you’re… not that much younger than me, I’m 21.” He watches as Claude’s face contorts into confusion, then to surprise, then to an unguarded smile, showing a bit of teeth with it. Claude continues to write on his notebook as Dimitri takes a few sips of his coffee, still warm enough to make the cold go away for some time.

**_We should meet again._ ** He reads, Claude’s holding the notebook in his hand, and his unguarded smile is still in place.

Dimitri nods, smiling. “Agreed… we should.”

**December 10**

He meets him again. Every week, for more than a month straight. Almost 5 months, surprisingly.

It’s… comforting, to say the least. It’s their new normal.

They go to the cafe after their therapy session, Dimitri orders a coffee while Claude orders a sticky cinnamon bun. They exchange conversation, allowing themselves to bathe in the comfort of their presence. He learns things about Claude. 

He learns that Claude loves sweets from time to time, but would also like bitter or spicy foods. He learns that Claude’s living with  _ Sylvain  _ of all people, who he hasn’t heard from in about a few years. (All he knows is that he’s taking care of Miklan’s kid now.) And he learns about Claude’s condition, disorder, or… whatever he wants it to be called.

He knows that Claude also learned a few about him as well. He learns about Dimitri’s embarrassing emo phase, he learns about Dimitri’s eye and how it came to be, and he learns about Dimitri’s ghosts, and how some days, they won’t stay quiet.

Dimitri also takes notice about the little things Claude does.

He notices the way his eyes shine whenever they finds something tasty, or the way he plays with his braids whenever he tries to find an answer while writing, or the way he pouts cutely when Dimitri says something odd,  _ or the way his adorable little self prefers to wear a jacket twice his size, or the way his cute small hands are engulfed by the sheer size of his cute jacket’s sleeve, or the way he smiles adorably whenever Dimitri says something amusing or funny, or when Claude’s adorable doe eyes look at Dimitri- _

He needs to stop.

He can’t think about him like this.

He can’t think about Claude like this, he can’t think of adorable,  _ beautiful, cute Claude- _

He

He needs help.

**##@@**

“I-I’m such a terrible friend…”

“Hm? How so?   
  
Dimitri inhales, letting in a deep breath, then he exhales, shakily.

“I… I’m thinking impure thoughts about my friend.” She raises an eyebrow, confused. “Impure thoughts? Mind… elaborating? Be more specific?”  _ Goddess, this is so embarrassing…  _ “I… I want to hug him, I want to hold him, to have his hand in mine. I-I want to… I want to stop, it’s… wrong. To want these things, even if he’s adorable and beautiful in every way. I-I… I just can’t.” He sighs, his breath shaky. She looks at him carefully, then puts on her glasses. “You think this is wrong… how so?”

“I-I… I’m aware. Of his… personal business. I don’t... want to make it worse for him, he…”

_ He’s been humiliated his entire life. _

_ I don’t want to humiliate him even further. _

_ What if he’s actually disgusted with me? _

_ I’m scared of hurting him. _

_ I don’t want to break his heart. _

She stares at him for quite some time, which felt so agonizing. She then sat up properly, looking at Dimitri in the eye with a small smile. “I think… you need to let yourself accept these emotions first. Think to yourself why you feel such things, assess your thoughts, and think about what you think is the best move.” Dimitri is silent, letting the words sink in.

Ah, he knows what to do now.

**####**

Claude comes in a bit late that day.

He doesn’t mind, Claude did say he’ll be late. 

Claude sits down, signing out an, “ **_I'm sorry”_ ** to Dimitri, to which he responds with a “No need to be,” somehow upsetting Claude. The two sit down, and their routine continues as usual, only something seems odd to Dimitri. He sees Claude fiddling with his fingers, looking away from Dimitri from time to time, talking less. And it worries him.

Their meeting ends early, with Claude claiming he needs to get home early to work on his thesis, and they leave. The walk to the bus stop is silent, the tension so thick even a knife couldn’t cut through it, the breath can be seen due to the cold. Dimitri, inhaling, prepares himself.

“C-Claude, I-” his lips tremble, trying to find his words as Claude looks at him, his eyes looking up at Dimitri. “I-I was… wondering. I-If… you’re ever interested, we can… make these meetings… u-uhm…” he struggles, still trying to find his words. Claude looks at him, and the understanding can be seen on his face. And he shakes his head.

Dimitri’s heart cracks.

“Oh.” Is what he manages to say. Claude’s lip trembles, and he looks down at his feet. “I.. I under-”

“I’m sorry.” He hears, his eyes widen at the sound. The sound of Claude’s  _ voice _ . Claude, still looking down, finally manages to look up at Dimitri, tears threatening to spill, lips trembling, trying to find words. “You-” his mouth shuts for a second, looking around them. They’re alone. Dimitri knows what he’s trying to do, he’s trying to talk with him. With his voice. Not his notebook, not sign language, his voice. “I… take your time.” He tells Claude, who raised his hand to sign for a moment, but stopped, his hands clasp over Claude’s. He can feel Claude’s pulse, it’s fast. “You… deserve better.” Is all that Claude says, looking away from him.

Oh.

_ Oh. _

_ He gets it. _

“I… no.” He says, and Claude looks at him with shock. “If anything… I-I think… you deserve better.” He says, chuckling as Claude furiously shakes his head in obvious disagreement. “Claude,” he starts, “be honest… would you…?”

Claude pauses, a nod.

“Are you ready?”

Long silence, it feels like anything could interrupt them at that moment. Claude shivers. “I-I don’t know.” He answers, and Dimitri smiles. “You… take all the time you need. If… if you want to go back to meeting again, that… that’s fine. It’s… alright if you don’t want to either, I-I’m also unsure, if I’m ready…” Claude stays silent for a moment, processing Dimitri’s words. He looks up at Dimitri, and his smile comes back once more, and it’s full of hope.

The bus arrives, and Dimitri lets go of Claude’s hands. The two part ways, just before Claude gets on the bus, he looks behind him, and Dimitri stands there. “Thank you.” Claude says, his voice soft. As he gets on, Dimitri smiles at the thought.

For once, he’s optimistic.

**Author's Note:**

> This fic also takes inspiration fro Koe no Katachi, it’s one of my favorite anime movies! You should watch it, it’s very good!!
> 
> Hope they weren’t too OOC or anything, lmao. I’m still not used to writing these characters, it’s fine though ig? Lmao idk... but yeah, thanks for reading.


End file.
